be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This is my gift to your gina
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
