I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
