I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
