she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
