he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
