Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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