Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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