sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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