are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
