Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
