After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
