I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
