I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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