Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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