the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
