seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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