I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
