Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
