using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I could have mohawked her pubes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
