My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
