Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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