She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
