no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
