I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
