So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
