Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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