areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
