I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
