3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
