some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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