Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
