mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
