Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
