Your dad touched me again.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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