I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
