My nipple is on Facebook.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Text me some of your sweat
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
