Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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