Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
