Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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