My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
