no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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