..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
