I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
