She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
