Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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