Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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