I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
