I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
