The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
