I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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