I only kidnapped one of them. chill
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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